Dear valued, yet completely derelict lazyeyedgirl community:
Nothing is better than saying fuck "real life" responsibilities like taking a pointless trip to the mall. I particularly enjoy going to the mall to make me feel better about myself. Now it's hard to come across someone who gives less of a fuck than me, but when i go to the mall i feel like an Einsteinian David Beckham. As you pointlessly roam those tile floors one can observe all a walks of life....from the jailbait you want to fuck but can't because some hot teacher had to fuck a 13 year old somewhere, to the fat white girls hanging all over Lil' Wayne wannabes to the countless pregnant teens. Our society is pretty fucking gross and if you want to remind yourself of how you stack up, take a trip to the mall. As my friends and I shamelessly laugh at the faggots in Hollister and humiliate the pizza-faced dweebs in Gamestop, we relish in the fact that despite how cruel and childish we may seem, at least we're still capable of getting laid. Something those fucking "nwbs" in Gamestop may never get to say. Listen, asshole, im no bully. I don't get pleasure from other people's shortcomings, but I swear to God im going to get a label maker and start sticking "walking stereotype" on the backs of all those mall-rat douche-bags.
Yea the white trash girl with pants that allow a full cascading of her gross-ass stomach to be shown to the world is gross, and yea the racially confused white kid who has more of an identity crisis than Lady Gaga is amusing, but nothing is more ridiculous to me than what I observe upon every entrance and every exit in my mall-going adventures. Yea, I am talking about the group of hug-deprived Goth kids who seem to cluster around the only ways in and out of the building. You know who I am talking about...the group of kids wearing bondage gear, listening to Hawthorne Heights playing hackysack and sharing stories about how their mom is a crack addict and their dad is in prison for kiddie porn. Someone give these kids a fucking spanking. Noone cares about your problems and goddamn it I don't like wondering if this moron in a trench-coat has a sawed-off under that attention-craving attire. Vampires are made up and the devil isn't going to love you either so get a fucking grip. If you're going to be all Sabrina-the-Teenaged-wannabe-reject-witch, do it in your own house with the rest of your cult. And while your at it, carve a pentagram into your arm with your mom's dirty needle. Dont't forget your copy of "the crucible" and light some candles. I heard a Ouija board is pretty trippy. I'm sure you'll get a long fine with the evil spirits you conjure up. I know how apathetic and non-conforming they all are, but they're faking. If they were really apathetic and non-conforming they would sit by themselves, not with a group of similar looking idiots, and they wouldn't be doing "magic." They would be plotting how to make some money off of daddies old videos and maybe direct their own. Hey Goth kids at the Mall, stop ruining my entering and exiting experiences or I will throw that hackysack into traffic and string you up with all those stupid chains attached to the parachutes around your legs.
Spot on, my friend. Best way to boost your self esteem without chemicals is to go to the mall. However, the one genre of mall rat that you missed out on was the Varsity Letter-Jacket wearing douchebag. You were the backup linebacker on the Danvers High Football squad??? By all means sir, walk around this fine establishment like you own the place. You've earned it!!!
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